Yesterday evening I went with my friend Arthas to a local cinema to see Jupiter Ascending.
[SPOILERS FOLLOW BUT IT'S NOT A FANTASTIC FILM SO I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT
IT]
Jupiter Ascending is about a girl called Jupiter Jones, who seems to spend most of the film in ironic freefall awaiting the reliable rescue of space-werewolf Channing Tatum (sigh). Channing Tatum does not fall because he always wears nice leather future-boots that allow him to surf 'differential equation waves'. Perhaps Channing Tatum does not understand how his boots work and is just trying to impress the random earth girl he met by sounding sciencey.
All of the freefalling and spaceships and planets were in headache-inducing 3-D, and yet the characters were still pretty monodimensional. The eponymous protaganist's only realy contribution to the narrative is that her DNA makes her a space princess. Other than that she just gets rescued a lot.
The worst part of the film is probably the conclusion, which features JJ celebrating her newfound sense of entitlement at the prospect of owning the planet by flying / making out with Channing Tatum. As far as I can tell, the message of the film is that it's okay to be useless because you are inherently special and maybe one day you can go out with Channing Tatum.
The best parts of the film are all the scenes with Idris Elba in. It's not even regular Idris Elba, he's all shiny like a rare Pokemon card. I also enjoyed the bit where one of the characters stated that 'bees undestand royalty', not as a poetic statement but as an actual scientific explanation of otherwise nonsensical events.
11/10 would be underwhelmed by inascusable pseudoscience again.
Also it is a very impressive publicity stunt that the movie has been released at the same time that Jupiter is actually visible in the night sky. Joe Chan and I were insisting to Jessie Hong that it was probably a planet, who was counter-insisting that it was definetely a star. We were right.
As good as this film was, it was not even the film highlight of my week. This is because Monday was GROUNDHOG DAY!!!
It was everything I ever dreamed it would be, and with any luck we can do it all again on February 2nd next year.
Also I'm a vegetarian now. One of the things I've learnt at university is that you don't have to be a hippie to make morally informed decisions.
[SPOILERS FOLLOW BUT IT'S NOT A FANTASTIC FILM SO I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT
IT]
Jupiter Ascending is about a girl called Jupiter Jones, who seems to spend most of the film in ironic freefall awaiting the reliable rescue of space-werewolf Channing Tatum (sigh). Channing Tatum does not fall because he always wears nice leather future-boots that allow him to surf 'differential equation waves'. Perhaps Channing Tatum does not understand how his boots work and is just trying to impress the random earth girl he met by sounding sciencey.
All of the freefalling and spaceships and planets were in headache-inducing 3-D, and yet the characters were still pretty monodimensional. The eponymous protaganist's only realy contribution to the narrative is that her DNA makes her a space princess. Other than that she just gets rescued a lot.
The worst part of the film is probably the conclusion, which features JJ celebrating her newfound sense of entitlement at the prospect of owning the planet by flying / making out with Channing Tatum. As far as I can tell, the message of the film is that it's okay to be useless because you are inherently special and maybe one day you can go out with Channing Tatum.
The best parts of the film are all the scenes with Idris Elba in. It's not even regular Idris Elba, he's all shiny like a rare Pokemon card. I also enjoyed the bit where one of the characters stated that 'bees undestand royalty', not as a poetic statement but as an actual scientific explanation of otherwise nonsensical events.
 |
Also it is a very impressive publicity stunt that the movie has been released at the same time that Jupiter is actually visible in the night sky. Joe Chan and I were insisting to Jessie Hong that it was probably a planet, who was counter-insisting that it was definetely a star. We were right.
As good as this film was, it was not even the film highlight of my week. This is because Monday was GROUNDHOG DAY!!!
The last time I tried to watch Groundhog day, nobody came but my most reliable friend Martin Sherlaw. This time, there were about 15 people gathered round a warm fire, tucked under blankets in my front room, watching the most rewatchable movie of all time.
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| You'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life |
Also I'm a vegetarian now. One of the things I've learnt at university is that you don't have to be a hippie to make morally informed decisions.
